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Current Music: Owl City - FireFlies
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Blankwhitespace.
26 November 2009 @ 11:18 am
I want that for my birthday pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hah. riiight.
anyways, there's nothing much to update about
cause i'm dead tired and it's already week 6.
and i do pray that things will get better.
badminton saturday,
and I'm finally getting to see my cousins tml.
whoooo!
hah. riiight.
anyways, there's nothing much to update about
cause i'm dead tired and it's already week 6.
and i do pray that things will get better.
badminton saturday,
and I'm finally getting to see my cousins tml.
whoooo!
Current Location: Outside MLT.
Current Music: Mumford & Sons - Winter Winds
07 November 2009 @ 11:41 pm
And saying it won't change a thing, and realising it won't change a thing, realising it wont change a thing.
Current Mood: 
blah
blah02 October 2009 @ 06:29 am
Dearest Blankwhitespace,
I think my biggest fear is that I'll lose my loved ones. I can't breathe just thinking about it.
My heart races. I can't do this.
I think i might have some anxiety disorder.
I get so uptight and I worry so much for people I care for.
I hyperventilate just worrying, or imagining what may or may not happen.
It's not healthy but I can't imagine life without them.
and I sure as hell don't know how I'll cope if smth (touch wood) happens.
It scares me so bad.
Maybe cause I've never really told them how I felt?
How much I love them? How much they mean to me?
Maybe cause I never had the courage to say that I want to be close to you.
I want to share this with you, I want to spend time with you.
that I love you more than you can imagine.
What does this make of me ?
that I'm so dependent, that I can't be alone?
that I'm paranoid? too possesive? control freak ?
All I know is that, I'm grateful that I still have my loved ones, for all of what they have done for me.
I can never repay them for all the sacrifices they have made.
My heart races. I can't do this.
I think i might have some anxiety disorder.
I get so uptight and I worry so much for people I care for.
I hyperventilate just worrying, or imagining what may or may not happen.
It's not healthy but I can't imagine life without them.
and I sure as hell don't know how I'll cope if smth (touch wood) happens.
It scares me so bad.
Maybe cause I've never really told them how I felt?
How much I love them? How much they mean to me?
Maybe cause I never had the courage to say that I want to be close to you.
I want to share this with you, I want to spend time with you.
that I love you more than you can imagine.
What does this make of me ?
that I'm so dependent, that I can't be alone?
that I'm paranoid? too possesive? control freak ?
All I know is that, I'm grateful that I still have my loved ones, for all of what they have done for me.
I can never repay them for all the sacrifices they have made.
Current Mood: 
anxious
anxious24 September 2009 @ 10:48 pm
Dear Blankwhitespace,
Shasha, he's soooo staring at you. hahahahah. okay heh, inside joke. if you're wondering, that's Matt from Arctic monkeys. My cousin bought, a whole lot or the right term to use is a fuckload of albums, ranging from kasabian to a soundtrack cd and I'm giving it all a listen right now. Just spent the whole day at home, playing guitar hero 5 with my cousin, sleeping,slacking, snap-ping, scrabbling. And my mind's kinda blank right now.
I need to seriously keep certain promises that i made to myself, I need to seriously get my ass ready for school, my mind less numb than it already is, and to get all the awesome motivation back.
I need serious down time to think.
Faris already flew off to thailand for a week for his YEP, I hope he's having a good time and that he'll have a safe trip back to Spore on the 30th.
Gonna go for a breifing and a meeting tomorrow at school and then it's a night out with my cousins! haha.
=D
I hope oct would be a good month and I'm wondering how Sabby, Linda, Amrul are doing right now? I shall give them a ring soon.
and also maybe ring my sec sch friends up too, since Jest wants to hang out again. Haha.
P.S I reaaaaaallllly gotta get through persuasion and quickly reward myself with the time traveler's wife.
I need to seriously keep certain promises that i made to myself, I need to seriously get my ass ready for school, my mind less numb than it already is, and to get all the awesome motivation back.
I need serious down time to think.
Faris already flew off to thailand for a week for his YEP, I hope he's having a good time and that he'll have a safe trip back to Spore on the 30th.
Gonna go for a breifing and a meeting tomorrow at school and then it's a night out with my cousins! haha.
=D
I hope oct would be a good month and I'm wondering how Sabby, Linda, Amrul are doing right now? I shall give them a ring soon.
and also maybe ring my sec sch friends up too, since Jest wants to hang out again. Haha.
P.S I reaaaaaallllly gotta get through persuasion and quickly reward myself with the time traveler's wife.
Current Mood: blank
blankCurrent Music: Hi Ho Silver Lining-Jeff Beck
20 September 2009 @ 01:57 am
In the hustle and the bustle I feel
I'm in trouble and I trip and then I stumble
I feel myself fall in the hustle and the bustle
It's too rough I tumble in the gravel and the rubble
can you hear me call?
I need to go sleep cause it's gonna be a long day of walking and collecting and eating and laughing and talking.
Current Mood: 
awake
awake17 September 2009 @ 07:56 am
Dear Blankwhitespace,
Today will be a good day, today WILL be a good day and last but not least today will be a good day.
(even if I was 'blessed' with this irritating bout of cold which makes my nose incredibly itchy and blotchy red)
I was never the party girl but every once in a while, it's so tempting to let loose.
but then again, i'll never allow that to happen, i've come a long way from those days.
Gotta help mom with chores, and study a bit, i was thinking of hanging out at my cousin's today
hmmm.. shall ring her up.
(or i hope she'll read this. hahaha! but i'll definitely sms her )
maybe it's not that difficult afterall, i just gotta get it in me head.
maybe this is what WE both need, and you'll forever be a part of me, trust in that,
that you're the only one for me, and that i'll love you always.
you're my person, my favourite person <3
I just need a good beat to get me thru this, afterall a good beat never hurt anybody.
P.S I can't wait for Whip It, 500 Days of Summer, Teen In Revolt and and and to watch Inglorious Basterds
P.S.S I can't believe I'm listening to Pixie Lott =_=
P.S.S.S I wonder if our broken bridges will ever be mended, it seems almost impossible and awkward.
Current Mood: 
okay
okayCurrent Music: Pixie Lott - Boys and Girls
16 September 2009 @ 02:32 am
But it was not your fault but mine?
And it was your heart on the line,
I really fucked this up this time,
didnt I, my dear?
Argh, Note to self:
- Get Studying/Revising.
- Get back to my Sleeping Habits, In bed by 11pm!
- Get back on the track and in the damn pool, running 3 times a week and swim once a week.
- Get my mind to focus on school and on the good things. positivity, positivity.. positivity.
- Time to hear/see/feel/ only the good stuff.
- It's time to move.
Current Mood: 
restless
restlessCurrent Music: Little Lion Man -Mumford and Sons
14 September 2009 @ 12:29 am
realised that it's that stage of life where most of the good guy friends you have are all almost botak and serving the nation and you're constantly surrounded by talks about their life and their technical terms and all their little funny stories, ahem... hints and references to amrul, ayid, hilmi, winson, azy, mimin.
the holidays are killing me, and change is good, change is good, I keep telling myself that, so maybe i'll manage to swallow it whole like a pill, and help me feel better about the current change and that things will still turn up good and happy and that we'll be fine
buke with my ite classmates was so nostalgic , with familiar faces i rarely get to see nowadays. I'll always love that period of my life. How school was so lively, fun and practically so awesome! thanks guys! today was truly to be remembered.
and i had bday celebration with a few of my sec sch friends too and they are forever a good bunch to be with, i'll always find myself laughing in their company, esp if you put just and jest together.
well, guess whaaaat? I'm gonna be boring before and after raya, cause i'm gonna start studying and reading. hahaha.
yeaaap.
The boat that rocked and the secret life of bees here I come!
the holidays are killing me, and change is good, change is good, I keep telling myself that, so maybe i'll manage to swallow it whole like a pill, and help me feel better about the current change and that things will still turn up good and happy and that we'll be fine
buke with my ite classmates was so nostalgic , with familiar faces i rarely get to see nowadays. I'll always love that period of my life. How school was so lively, fun and practically so awesome! thanks guys! today was truly to be remembered.
and i had bday celebration with a few of my sec sch friends too and they are forever a good bunch to be with, i'll always find myself laughing in their company, esp if you put just and jest together.
well, guess whaaaat? I'm gonna be boring before and after raya, cause i'm gonna start studying and reading. hahaha.
yeaaap.
The boat that rocked and the secret life of bees here I come!
Current Mood: 
full
fullCurrent Music: Florence and The Machines - Drumming Song
30 July 2009 @ 12:17 am
dear blankwhitespace,
this is not the time to relapse, things were going good. I'll never learn now will i? it just sucks when you keep self destructing when you really don't want to. now i really don't want to. i hope i don't drive him away. im not prepared for that, no matter how many times i say i'll be fine without him in my life, but honestly, no i dont think i'll be fine. I'll be a mess, a big big dysfunctional mess. cmon ak, think properly this time! =S
it's bad enough that it's harder to contact and talk to him now.
poly50 was on today! and then there's no more trainings for goooood. yay! but i think i'll still like run just for fun. phelia and i kinda agreed to continue running. i dont wanna get restless anyways.
it was damn rough ah the relay,so many people. chaotic! hahaha. but the aftermath was fun, with picture taking and jokes going around the team.
my cousins wanna go for badminton soon! maybe next sunday afternoon yay!
and i finally get to go join SPP for an outing on saturday for fireworks.
Coincidentally met JAY at the bus stop! Like after soo long.
Then in the morning still can joke. LOL.
hope to hang out with ya soon.
and i miss sabbytot and the blaze gang
and linda julia and arm.
=(
what did you possibly expect under this conditions?
tonight's a perfect shade of dark blue,daark blue.
have you been alone in a crowded room?
this is not the time to relapse, things were going good. I'll never learn now will i? it just sucks when you keep self destructing when you really don't want to. now i really don't want to. i hope i don't drive him away. im not prepared for that, no matter how many times i say i'll be fine without him in my life, but honestly, no i dont think i'll be fine. I'll be a mess, a big big dysfunctional mess. cmon ak, think properly this time! =S
it's bad enough that it's harder to contact and talk to him now.
poly50 was on today! and then there's no more trainings for goooood. yay! but i think i'll still like run just for fun. phelia and i kinda agreed to continue running. i dont wanna get restless anyways.
it was damn rough ah the relay,so many people. chaotic! hahaha. but the aftermath was fun, with picture taking and jokes going around the team.
my cousins wanna go for badminton soon! maybe next sunday afternoon yay!
and i finally get to go join SPP for an outing on saturday for fireworks.
Coincidentally met JAY at the bus stop! Like after soo long.
Then in the morning still can joke. LOL.
hope to hang out with ya soon.
and i miss sabbytot and the blaze gang
and linda julia and arm.
=(
what did you possibly expect under this conditions?
tonight's a perfect shade of dark blue,daark blue.
have you been alone in a crowded room?
Current Mood: heading for that crumble
heading for that crumbleCurrent Music: Flop Culture - FM Static
21 June 2009 @ 11:55 pm
Dear Blankwhitespace,
ONE WEEK OF TOTAL HIBERNATION.
(Well, I hope so lah, huh.)
(Well, I hope so lah, huh.)
So there have been many dramatic twist and turns for the past few weeeks, I'm just glad things are beginning to settle down now but I'm not glad that there's only one week left till MST! Like RD, I'm sooooo not prepared.
I don't like going to BBDC but for the sake of the familia, I'll do it. I'll do it for the greateer good of the familia. haish. 0800hrs in the morning!
Let's hope I don't feel sleepy and crash yah? yikes =S
I can't wait for MST to paaaaasssss so that I can enjoy a harry potter movie marathon with my cousssins.
I apologise for not replying myra's msg to follow to deputy siren's ep launch, I cldnt make it anyways =S
I also apologise for not being able to meet cass and gang for supper.
and I need to tell sabby and gang I cant meet them on friday =(
and the nike sister zoom+ is soooo tempting to buy can, if only I had cash. haish.
shopping? NOT.
7 days left and counting gotta go sleeep now now now now.
Current Mood: rushed
rushedCurrent Music: Wale ft Lady Gaga - Chillin'
03 June 2009 @ 02:15 am
Dear BlankWhiteSpace,
Things are gettting..... complicated. I don't wish to go indepth into the matter. Well, toa payoh for two straight whole days was <3 !
That made me very happy. hahahaha.
and then school had to start and everything went hectic and drain every ounce of my energy. Happy Belated Bday to Haidhar! hahaha. Panda.
I don't know what's in store for all of us. I really don't know. I need to focus on my modules again. I really need to do so. I cant take this for granted.
I met Jojo Today, we ate at macs... again! Haha. We still talk a lot of nonsense and he still cracks me up all the time! And KAKA, WE SHLD CAMWHORE TO DESTRESS.
CTG LOVES, I hope to see you girls sooooooon. holidays are comiiiiiiiing.
tell yourself, you're okay on your own. =S
I don't know what's in store for all of us. I really don't know. I need to focus on my modules again. I really need to do so. I cant take this for granted.
I met Jojo Today, we ate at macs... again! Haha. We still talk a lot of nonsense and he still cracks me up all the time! And KAKA, WE SHLD CAMWHORE TO DESTRESS.
CTG LOVES, I hope to see you girls sooooooon. holidays are comiiiiiiiing.
tell yourself, you're okay on your own. =S
Current Mood: 
messy
messy30 May 2009 @ 10:57 am
Dear Blankwhitespace,
Ytd's outing was amazazing. I'm glad to have met myra , ain, dxp and peeps. hahaha. fun fun fun.
todaaay would be bmm's set...! wooooo~
shit lah, why does his words always have to be right?
i'm just selfish when it comes to what i like to do. selfish i tell you. i only think about what i want and not the feelings of the ppl arnd me.
joseph, please dont stay mad at me? i cant stand it when you're mad at me.
wow, great start to the damnweekend.
workload and my messy room will be definitely ignored by me today, damn tired ah. lol.
I slept with my computer on.
shiits, i hope he forgives me.
fuuuuuucccccccck.
Current Mood: 
lousy
lousyCurrent Music: Kings of Leon - Use Somebody
22 May 2009 @ 11:41 pm
Dear BlankWhiteSpace,
I may not show it.
I hate late nights when I'm alone in front of the computer, I hate that I can't concentrate on schoolwork.I hate that I'm tired all the time, even with 'nough sleep. Get out of my head and heart please.
Breakfast with Rino is almost therapeutic, It's great start to the end of the week and he perks me up in the morning with his many jokes and experiences.
Anyways, school's a bitch. Assignments, assignments and assignments. Back to sleeping in the canteen, And my friends call me AK,
not A.K but AK. Thanks ah KAKA, thanks for the new nickname eh. hahaha. Many Misses!
Poly50 training was the bomb. My knees hurt and I'm always the last one but wow what a ruuuuussssh.
Gonna be meeting my lovely friends next weeeeek, woo! bring on the good times!!
J, thanks to you im stuck to AKON AH.
Haidhar, no more Krazy. LOL. I dont wanna listen to that soooooong!
Laters.
Current Mood: nervous
nervousCurrent Music: All Time Low - Dear Maria,Count Me In
18 May 2009 @ 02:55 pm
To my beautiful girl friends, I would like to say thank you.
Thank you Ain, Myra, Kii And ATC for being so kecoooh, so loving and so understanding.
Thank you Cass Sof Saman for staying close by for these 6 -7 years, for always being there thru thick and thin, for growing up with me, for accepting me as i changed, for being so wonderful and kind.
.
Thank you Ain, Myra, Kii And ATC for being so kecoooh, so loving and so understanding.
Thank you Cass Sof Saman for staying close by for these 6 -7 years, for always being there thru thick and thin, for growing up with me, for accepting me as i changed, for being so wonderful and kind.
.
Thank you to Julia, Dyla, Sabby and Linda for bringing joy and being there for me thru 2 meaningful years of my ITE Life.
And Teresa! for always being such a good listening ear =)
I love you girls a lot and I know I don't show or say it very often,
but that doesn't mean that I don't miss yah girls or I don't care.
I'l always treasure the ups and downs that we've shared.
Hope to see you girls soon.
Thank you for being my pillars of support all these while.
Hugs.
drained09 May 2009 @ 12:13 pm
Dear Blankwhitespace,
Yes yes i know i was suppose to put pictures up for that particular outing but I cant find the time. I'll do that sooon, I promise.
Anyways, ytd I met Cass and Just after a while, and we had fun with justin's crutches. hahaha. he was practically flapping them around and hopping usually fast and that was hilarious. I missed that very much.
i guess it's true then, I "flutter" from one to the next one, no durations nth, just forward, forward!
argggghhhh... I shouldn't be feeling this waay.
Im so fucked up maaaan.
and later's gonna damn awkward, trust me.
Yes yes i know i was suppose to put pictures up for that particular outing but I cant find the time. I'll do that sooon, I promise.
Anyways, ytd I met Cass and Just after a while, and we had fun with justin's crutches. hahaha. he was practically flapping them around and hopping usually fast and that was hilarious. I missed that very much.
i guess it's true then, I "flutter" from one to the next one, no durations nth, just forward, forward!
argggghhhh... I shouldn't be feeling this waay.
Im so fucked up maaaan.
and later's gonna damn awkward, trust me.
Current Mood: confused
confusedCurrent Music: music from my ex-bf's ipod touch.
01 May 2009 @ 10:59 pm
Dear blank white space,
I guess life is all about making mistakes, we need to learn from them. I know I need to get them instilled and be more wary of things.
gosh.
Labour day was relaxing, kites in the skies, kids running around, grass was unbelievably green; the sights and sounds of happy families and friends having fun. I wish everyday was like this, I wish everyday I had a place that I could escape like that. Not a worry in sight!
After that, it was dinner at zam zam, lames jokes included and laughter a plenty. Followed by window shopping and laughter at raffles and then the regular chill out session at starbucks/coffee bean.
I'll elaborate more, tomorrow or something, pictures galore too! hahaha.
Thanks a lot to Sabby, Linda and Amrul for a beautiful day well spent.
I need to clear my head now.
It's throbbing sooooo freaking bad.
and I will need to finish up my schoolwork by sunday at leaaast.
P.S Myraaaa kiinah and atc.... when are we meeeeeeting up ?
I can't wait for tuesday with Sabby & Linda!!
Good Nights now.
I guess life is all about making mistakes, we need to learn from them. I know I need to get them instilled and be more wary of things.
gosh.
Labour day was relaxing, kites in the skies, kids running around, grass was unbelievably green; the sights and sounds of happy families and friends having fun. I wish everyday was like this, I wish everyday I had a place that I could escape like that. Not a worry in sight!
After that, it was dinner at zam zam, lames jokes included and laughter a plenty. Followed by window shopping and laughter at raffles and then the regular chill out session at starbucks/coffee bean.
I'll elaborate more, tomorrow or something, pictures galore too! hahaha.
Thanks a lot to Sabby, Linda and Amrul for a beautiful day well spent.
I need to clear my head now.
It's throbbing sooooo freaking bad.
and I will need to finish up my schoolwork by sunday at leaaast.
P.S Myraaaa kiinah and atc.... when are we meeeeeeting up ?
I can't wait for tuesday with Sabby & Linda!!
Good Nights now.
Current Mood: transparent
30 April 2009 @ 02:11 pm
dear blank white space,
i'm fighting the tempting to sleep but my eyes are sooo heavy.i knew better than to watch unborn. gaaaaah.
let's hope i get to rest my mind earlier thatn 2am this time round yah?
can't wait for fridaaaaay with lindatot, sabbytot and arm! =D
hahaha.
okaaay time to concentrate, class's starting..
i'm fighting the tempting to sleep but my eyes are sooo heavy.i knew better than to watch unborn. gaaaaah.
let's hope i get to rest my mind earlier thatn 2am this time round yah?
can't wait for fridaaaaay with lindatot, sabbytot and arm! =D
hahaha.
okaaay time to concentrate, class's starting..
29 April 2009 @ 11:39 pm
Dear Blank White Space,
Yes it's been a while since I've written anything here and I feel like it's about time that I do. Life has changed so dramatically that I don't know how to put them into words, how to fix certain things or how react sometimes.
Anyways, I'll keep it short. Training was sooooooo tiring please. Aching, aching. I hope I don't sleep in class?
A Maths.... Aaaaaargh!
P.S I neeed to run so far so bad.
Yes it's been a while since I've written anything here and I feel like it's about time that I do. Life has changed so dramatically that I don't know how to put them into words, how to fix certain things or how react sometimes.
Anyways, I'll keep it short. Training was sooooooo tiring please. Aching, aching. I hope I don't sleep in class?
A Maths.... Aaaaaargh!
P.S I neeed to run so far so bad.
Current Location: At the table staring at the screen.
Current Mood: 
cold
coldCurrent Music: Goo Goo Dolls - I'll be your crying shoulder